PDF Ebook Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships, by Stella Harris
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Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships, by Stella Harris
PDF Ebook Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships, by Stella Harris
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Review
"Stella Harris tackles common and complex sex and relational issues with honesty and ease. Tongue Tied provides the reader with easy and straightforward language that is needed to build a more complete sexual self, no matter who you are." --Elle Stanger, podcast host of StrangeBedfellows (Elle Stanger)"We've all heard that communication is vital to relationships, but it's often easier unsaid than done. In Tongue Tied, Stella Harris breaks down exactly how to talk to your partner(s) or dates about often tricky subjects like BDSM, threesomes, jealousy and even money. Communication is complicated, but Harris gives us an essential roadmap to make it easier to have the kinds of relationships we truly want." --Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor, 'Best Women's Erotica of the Year' series (Rachel Kramer Bussel)"No matter your relationship style or kink level, Harris' practical wisdom will completely transform how you relate to others. This book is required reading for healthy relationships!" --Sunny Megatron, Sexuality & Kink Educator, host of American Sex Podcast (Sunny Megatron)"Tongue Tied by Stella Harris is a book I just want to buy for absolutely everyone...It is stuffed full of useful information, expertly communicated. And even better, it actually got me excited about communication!" --Aurora Glory (Aurora Glory)"This detailed, user-friendly, and conscientious book deals with nearly every imaginable aspect of intimate human relationships, covering everything from analingus to apologies." --Bradley Buchanan, Tulsa Book Review (Bradley Buchanan Tulsa Book Review)
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About the Author
Stella Harris is changing the way people experience their sex lives. As a certified intimacy educator and sex coach, she gives her students the tools and confidence to explore their sexuality safely and free of shame. A national and international speaker, Stella teaches everything from pleasure anatomy, to communication skills, to kink and BDSM. Stella writes a weekly sex advice column for Portland's Willamette Week newspaper, and her erotic fiction has appeared in more than a dozen anthologies.
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Product details
Paperback: 306 pages
Publisher: Cleis Press (September 11, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9781627782661
ISBN-13: 978-1627782661
ASIN: 1627782664
Product Dimensions:
5 x 1 x 7.8 inches
Shipping Weight: 0.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
5.0 out of 5 stars
6 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#116,137 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I've been writing professionally about sex for 15 years, but even I sometimes have trouble talking to intimate partners about sex. In theory, it's easy, but in practice it can be more challenging, especially when the stakes feel high emotionally. Stella Harris is an excellent guide on the topic, offering practical insights and actual suggested conversation starters. She gets into the very real issues that many people face in talking about sex, whether that's fear of rejection or simply wanting to be understood. She discusses why silly role play can be helpful, shows you you can track your arousal, and how to tackle the very common situation where only one partner in a relationship has a particular sexual fantasy. Her best tools, such as her negotiation checklist, make the act of having these discussions much easier, in addition to showing how common these struggles are. She also makes it clear that there are worse things than sexual rejection, when she writes, "I'm excited when someone says not to me, because it means if/when that person says yes to something, I can believe them." Tongue Tied was useful to me in getting over the nerves I still sometimes feel and in providing a practical road map for these conversations. I wish I'd had this book in my 20s and 30s!
This is my second copy if this book! I bought the first copy on presale before it even came out because I had a dirty little secret - since before I waa even having sex I have always been a vocal proponent for open, honest, specific, healthy communication around touch, sex, love, relationships.... everything! But as vocal as I was in public, get me alone and aroused and I just didn't know how to use words, out loud, to talk about what I did or didn't want to do between the sheets. To add insult to injury, I didn't even want to talk about the fact that I didn't want to talk about it! I knew this needed to change if I was going to finally start having the kind of sex I'd been keeping in my imagination all these years, and when I found out there was a book I could read, (you know, so I didn't have to actually TALK to someone about it) I was first in line!Fast forward a couple of months, and a whole lot of really hot communication-rich sexy-fun-time later, and now I want to buy a copy for everyone I know! The second copy is a gift for my partner, we're going to book club it together and I'm so excited to see how our love life evolves and improves as we do!
This book is a fantastic resource for anyone who wants to have a clearer idea of what they want out of a sexual relationship and how to ask for it. It's useful for anyone ranging from longtime kink/BDSM practicioners to those with no idea what those terms mean beyond being the pornography categories with the "weird" stuff.What's even better is the confidence, assertiveness, and capacity for establishing and respecting boundaries gained by practicing clear and effective communication regarding this tricky subject will have a positive impact on your other relationships as well. Being able to know and ask for what you want in the bedroom, where most people feel particularly poorly informed and vulnerable, makes doing so at the office or among your friends a whole lot less scary.
Such an informative, necessary book not just for kink, but for all sexual relationships. Stella has knocked it out of the park!
Tongue Tied is a work I would have loved to read when I was younger. While seemingly aimed at sexually active couples, Tongue Tied is useful for all people, including "vanilla" single virgins. Stella Harris, the author, covers a range of topics with an overall theme of learning how to get your needs met. Encouraging open and honest communication, Stella gives readers the agency to advocate for themselves and their needs--in and out of the bedroom. Early chapters offer basic ways to improve platonic interpersonal communications, skills of which will carry over to deeper conversations in more complicated relationships. Impressively, there are also exercises to refine your relationship with yourself, a topic most relationship books gloss over.While reading, I could see how valuable Tongue Tied would be to teens, especially young girls, who are socialized to worry more about hurting someone's feelings than to respect their own needs. Stella gives solid advice on negotiating sex, the influence of money, and how to have difficult conversations (including breakups and rejection), which would prepare these fledglings for the dating world. Coupled with the exercises for identifying personal and cultural biases, Stella does an exemplary job of pointing out and counteracting the unhealthy behaviors that society and the media have convinced us are "normal". A favorite excerpt of mine is on saying or hearing 'no',I'm excited when someone says no to me, because it means if/when that person says yes to something, I can believe them.This sort of positive spin is refreshing to hear and shows that all communication is good, even the conversations that don't end the way one might hope.In a perfect world, Tongue Tied would be required reading as part of every Sex Ed curriculum. With the age of first sexual contact becoming increasingly lower, Tongue Tied gives readers communication tools that otherwise would only be learned after years of trial, error, and pursuit of knowledge. As I was reading, I found myself nodding on a regular basis as I recognized bits of advice that Stella was relaying, and making mental notes of where I first encountered it. Even with all of my various education, Stella still surprised, and I discovered gems of information that were new to me. I'm looking forward to reading through Tongue Tied a second time and doing the corresponding journal exercises. Tongue Tied has so much information all pooled into one place, I'm confident that it is going to be the next standard text in the BDSM community.
Stella is an amazing teacher, and excels at teaching sex and communication in an approachable way. This book is a great in depth look at communicating your desires with your partners and a labor of love. A great gift for yourself, and the sexy people in your life!
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